


Easy

by cepia



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-03-07 22:23:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13444647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cepia/pseuds/cepia
Summary: Leonardo lived his life with the surety of 'one day'. One day he'd have the relationship he wanted. Unfortunately for him, Donatello's 'one day' included a different brother.Wallowing in unrequited love, he receives a strange offer from Raphael, who is also hurting. Why not try to ease that hurt with each other? No love needed, no words said.It's not something he's thought about before but he has to admit, it's got a certain flare to it. Taking the easy way out has never really been his thing though, or Raph's. So how long until things get complicated.





	1. The start

"You okay?"

  
Leo acknowledged Raph's voice behind him with a tilt of the head but didn't - couldn't - tear his eyes away from the sight in front of him. Donatello and Michelangelo had Sensei's blessing to take their relationship to something other, something more, than brotherly and were engaging in some PDA in the kitchen. It was pretty tame really, a touch of the hand on a shoulder while Mikey cooked some eggs in the pan for breakfast; secretive little smiles that were all the brighter for the fact that they could be not so secretive if needed. Leo's heart ached. "Not now, Raphael."

  
Raphael continued. Of course he did. When had he ever been considerate of Leonardo's feelings? "Cute, isn't it?"

  
"Cute?" Not quite the word Leo was thinking.

  
"You keep standing here any longer like a creeper and they're gonna notice you."

  
Leo shrugged. He didn't care. Hadn't cared about much really since the previous evening when Mikey had run up to him, thrown his arms around Leo's neck and whooped out a resounding 'Sensei said yes." in his ear. Leo's arms had returned the embrace although his world had started crumbling at that moment. It continued now, a strange malady that seemed to have the world just a little off kilter. Everything a little muffled and surreal.

  
Donnie and Mikey were on the move now, breakfast in hand, coffee cup firmly held, and destination in mind. Donnie's room.

  
"Looks like it's just going to be you and me this morning." He could hear the laugh in Raph's voice.

  
"No training today."

  
"Really?" Raph strode past him to grab an apple from the bowl on the kitchen table. "Nice!"

  
"Sensei thought the team would be too --"

  
"Distracted?"

  
Vengeful. "Hm?"

  
Raph took a bite of his apple and nodded, a small fond smirk on his face. Leonardo at less than perfection was a sight rarely seen in the lair. "I see his point." Leo figured he must cut a strange figure, standing still in the kitchen doorway, looking at empty space. He couldn't get the image of Donnie's hand on Mikey's shoulder out of his mind. Raph's words didn't quite register.

  
"I'm sorry, what?"

  
"I said, so Leo, which one are you in love with?"

  
Denial! He fumbled for the words, two different shades of green still superimposed over his vision.

  
"Let me guess..." Raph took another bite before tossing the apple core at the bin. "Score. Lets see now. Donatello or Michelangelo..." He propped his hip on the kitchen table and crossed his arms, studying Leo intently. "Which one gets our fearless leader hot under the carapace. I'm gonna say...Donatello."

  
Leo felt his face flush and crossed his own arms defensively. "It doesn't really make a difference now, does it?"

  
"Hah, I was right?" Raph looked surprised. "Honestly, I thought it was Mikey. But then again," he pondered, "I can see what you'd like about Don." Leo looked down, ashamed of the heat in his face. But Raph wasn't mocking. His smile was tempered and a little sad as he pulled out a chair for Leo to sit down. "Tell me about him. Tell me how he is in your eyes."

  
"What good is that going to do?" Leo cursed inwardly, feeling his eyes heat traitorously. He was not going to spill tears over this. Not to anyone, and especially not to Raph.

  
"Believe me, it'll help."

  
"No offence, Raph, but you're the last person I'd discuss this with."

  
Raph's eyes flashed for a second but then the moment was gone and he smiled. "No offence, Leo, but you're the last person I'd want to hear this from. Still," he patted the chair seat next to him. "Park it and talk."

  
Leonardo parked it. Sometimes it was easier to just go along with Raph and he really didn't have the energy for a fight this morning. Sleepless nights and broken hearts kind of did that to a guy. A cup of jasmine tea appeared in front of him and he grabbed the handle on reflex and took a sip; belatedly he murmured, "thanks."

  
"De nada, bro." Raph waved it off, looking at him with rare concern in his eyes. Leo didn't know what kind of picture he made, sitting there, but he figured it must be a pretty pathetic one if Raph wasn't bringing out the scathing mockery. He took another sip of the tea, which was pretty good, and looked up to catch Raph's gaze. He seemed strangely sombre, a sad cast to his face. He was holding out a ripped piece of kitchen roll with one hand, his other a warm, solid weight on Leo's shoulder.

  
"Huh?" It was only then that Leo realised he was crying.

  
"So..." there was a break for a moment while Leo wiped his eyes. Raph cleared his throat gruffly and Leo almost smiled at the tell... Raph was uncomfortable. "Tell me."

  
Donatello. Where to start. How do you describe the unrequited love of your life to someone. Especially someone like Raph, who was as macho as they came. His love for Donatello was in the meeting of minds at 3am when neither of them could sleep and they gravitated together to the den to watch old reruns of shows they'd loved as kids. It was in the gleam of chestnut brown eyes in the dojo as Donnie multitasked like crazy, his body fighting but his mind planning out his next project. It was the graceful way he moved through his kata, not as precise or deadly as Leonardo -- but then, none of them were -- but beautiful nonetheless. It was the light that seemed to encompass him as he perfected something that would make their lives so much easier.

  
That was it. "He makes life easier."

  
"That's it?"

  
Leo leveled a hard stare at Raphael, "I wouldn't expect you to get it."

  
Raph's hand removed itself from Leo's shoulder like he had burnt it. "You're right, Leo. I don't get it." His voice was cold but Leo missed the tone.

  
"You've never gone for the easy life."

  
A heavy sigh, then quiet words, wrenched from deep within and powerful. "The easy life huh?" A pause. Then a relevation that wrenched the already tilted world out from under Leo's feet. "You're not the only one going through this, Leo. If you ever need someone to -- be easy with -- I'm here. Just remember that, okay?"

  
A last warm touch of Raph's hand on his arm to solidify the offer and he was suddenly alone in the room.

  
...

  
He didn't act on the words for two days. Life had gone back to some semblence of normality in the interim. Donatello and Mikey now shared a room... or as much as they could share when one was a chronic insomniac and the other a bed hog. Still, they seemed to be making it work somehow, if the warm glances and constant touching was anything to go by.

  
Raphael had actually respected his unspoken request for a bit of space and spent some time either in his room, doing only Raph knew what, or out on the streets with Casey, again doing only Raph knew what. Leo figured he should really care, but somehow, right now, he couldn't. It was just one more straw for the camel's back and if he didn't pick it up, he wouldn't break.

  
He couldn't break.

  
It was a testament to his acting skills that neither Donnie nor Mikey had noticed his funk. Either that or they were just so wrapped up in each other.

  
Very early in the morning of the third day, after yet another sleepless night listening to the sounds of chuckles and laughter and the repetitive thump thump thump from the room next door found Leonardo's mind finally turning back to Raphael's offer. Sitting in the kitchen, once more sipping jasmine tea, he turned the full focus of his analytical mind to the other morning.

  
What exactly had Raph meant by it? A shoulder to cry on perhaps. Not something he'd ever imagined Raph taking part in but hey, they'd already done that so there was one barrier crossed. Something a little more? Brothers with benefits.

  
Could he even do that?

  
No.

  
It wasn't fair. Not to Raph, not to himself, and not to Donnie or Mikey either, even though they would never know the reasoning behind it. They already had to sacrifice so much in their lives. A chance at love, however rare and impossible it might be, should not be given up. Getting into some sort of fuck buddy status with Raph was a travesty to the very thought of love.

  
But then, Raph had admitted that he was also suffering in this.

  
There were four of them on the planet. It was only a natural assumption to make that they would turn to each other. A relationship with a human seemed far too out there to be possible. They functioned socially on such a vastly different level to the turtles. Yes, ok, they said opposites attract, but there had to be something there that was similar. Too opposite and life would just be ... hard.   
Raph seemed to excell with hard, Leo mused with another sip of tea.

  
But how hard was too hard. How hard was it to be in love with someone who just didn't love you back. Didn't they deserve that little something more just as much as Donatello and Michelangelo did?

  
A week ago, thoughts like this would have never crossed his mind. He was secure in his love for Donatello. Happy to dream about 'one day' and 'the future' without ever really giving those carnal desires a real, relevant purchase.

  
But then Donatello had taken that safety net away from him and now his safe little future had withered and died. And what was he left with?

  
A strange offer from another brother. One who was opposite in all things to Donatello. Which was fitting really as the offer in itself was the opposite of what he'd wanted. Raph had held his hands up and said, no chance of love friend, but if you fancy taking the edge off once in a while I'm here.

  
Taking Raph's consent in this as fact. He HAD been the one to offer after all, Leo turned his mind to the other question. Could HE do this? Could he sleep with one brother while being in love with another? What would sex without love even be like?

  
And that's where he drew a blank.

  
He sat there for twenty minutes, his tea cold, just... thinking. Then, with one decisive gesture he downed the drink and left the room.

  
...

  
Raphael's room was a dark and dangerous place to be at just past four in the morning. Raph didn't care for outstanding neatness; although his room was mainly tidy, he still had a bad habit of just dropping his gear to the floor and forgetting about them. No obstacle for Leonardo however, who picked his way across the floor with an unconscious grace honed from many years of hard training.

  
So here he was.

  
In the dark he could see the glint of reflected light on Raph's eyes as he looked up from his bed. Leo was momentarily surprised. He'd honestly believed Raph to be asleep.

  
"Morning, Fearless." The words were a mere whisper... intimate in its intentions. It drew Leo in, a moth to a flame just as surely as the promise that lay behind them. "You got an answer for me?"

  
Answers? No. Only questions churned around in Leo's mind. As they had done for the past three nights.

  
Time to silence them.

  
He began the slow, methodical process of shedding his gear. Undoing the clasp that held up his obi and sword sheath, he laid it to one side. He hadn't yet put his elbow and knee pads that morning but he reached up to slide his mask off his face. Raphael's hand reached up and stopped him.

  
Instead of removing the mask, Leonardo found himself blinded by it, as Raphael slid the eye holes to one side. Leo's other senses kicked into hyperdrive.

  
"Easy, Leo. Easy." Was he panicking? Probably. Raph's voice was still whisper-soft but came from somewhere higher now. He was out of bed then... standing in front of him. Just what was he looking at, Leo wondered. Something pretty damn pathetic.

  
Warm hands slid to his shoulders and pressed down. Leo followed the motion until he was sitting on the edge of something soft. Raph's bed.

  
Rustling; the movement of another body in the dark, close space Leo found himself in. Raph's breathing, coming from low down, on his knees. Kneeling in supplication at Leo's feet. The scratch of calloused palms against his inner thighs -- a long, slow slide up -- pressing out. Leo followed the direction again and allowed his legs to spread. And even though he knew, he KNEW, it was Raph who was doing this, his mind transplanted another form there. It was enough to allow his cock to drop down from his hidden pouch.

  
"It's okay, Leo."

  
And then Raph's mouth was on him, a hot, sensual slide of tongue from tip to root. Enveloping and all encompassing. Leo groaned, his back arching as much as his shell would allow in order to push forwards into that pulling heat. Images flashed through his mind, each one almost too fast to grasp. Donnie, Donnie, Donnie. And through it all was the hot feel of hands on his inner thighs, anchoring him in a way he didn't want to be.

  
He slid a hand around the back of Raph's head, directing, controlling. Leading.

  
Vibrations against his cock. Raph was laughing, muffled but there, oh so right there.

  
He came, screaming Donatello's name into a dark room, his bandanna wet with tears.

  
And that was the start of it. 


	2. Chapter 2

Rules. They had to have them. 

_Breathe in._

This wasn't a genuine relationship like Donnie and Mikey. It was hard to stress this while Raph's mouth was wrapped around his cock but Leo did a great job in getting his point across. Rule one, the family couldn't find out. They agreed on this one hundred percent. Immediately following that first night together they sat down and had probably the longest conversation they'd ever had that hadn't disintegrated into a fight. 

_Hold._

From Rule One came all the other rules. No public displays of affection. No lovers quarrels. Nothing in the daytime. They kept this behind closed doors and away from the family. 

_Breathe out._

And with that, Raph became Leo's dirty little secret. 

During the day Leonardo would watch Donnie and Mikey, his body filled with such an overwhelming yearning that he was honestly surprised they couldn't feel it. Then in the night he would make the short journey to Raphael's room and...

 _Breathe in._

Hash it out. 

_Hold._

The first two nights Raphael had sucked him off and they had left it at that. On the third night a lingering sense of guilt had Leonardo returning the favour. Raphael had been strangely submissive, lying back and allowing Leo to take the reins. Perhaps it was part of this odd role play they seemed to have fallen into. Of a day he was his usual brash, vocal self, but at night his touches were soft and his voice nonexistant. It made it easy for Leo to picture another in his place and he was eternally grateful to Raphael for the consideration. 

_Breathe out._

Especially as consideration was not something he usually attributed to Raph. 

Their entire relationship seemed built on one-up-man-ships and arguments. If Leonardo had a firm stance on a subject then it was a guarantee that Raphael would have the opposite. Even if he hadn't really cared one way or another before. 

It was almost like it was done from spite. 

_Breathe in._

It made it all the stranger then, to find that in this they were compatible. 

_Hold._

Raph hadn't been lying, there was no love to be found here. They didn't kiss. Their mouths weren't really made for it anyway but he knew from watching Mikey and Donnie that they had at least made some passable attempts when they thought no one was looking. Leo didn't see the appeal of that -- two mouths just pressing together. He preferred the press of teeth against his neck and the wicked promise it held behind it. The sweet pain from a firm, hot mouth over his pulse point, soothed away afterwards with a swipe of a hot tongue. 

_Breathe out._

They hadn't had sex. Or fucked, as Raph would call it.

 _Breathe in._

Instead they kept it simple. Handjobs, blowjobs, once a dry hump in Leonardo's room. Plastron to plastron; he kept his eyes closed the whole time and pretended the little whuffling sounds were Donnie. It was Donnie who was blowing hot, moist air against his shoulder. Donnie's fingers grasping at him hard enough to bruise. Donnie's cock hard between them, pressed between their plastons. 

As to who Raph dreamed of... Leo had no idea. 

_Empty your mind._

Over the last few days Leo had paid more attention to his brothers than he had in the last two months, but he still hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary where Raph was concerned. It shamed him a little to realise that he never would have known Raph was hurting if Raph himself hadn't told him so. Was it Mikey who Raph wanted? Maybe. 

Casey was a high possibility. 

_Breathe out._

Could it be Donnie? 

Donnie. 

_Breathe in and HOLD._

Donatello with Raphael. 

Too late. Leonardo felt the tenuous grip he'd had on the astral plane begin to slip from his mind as the regular sounds of the lair filtered back into his mind. _Damnit._ His mind was more of a mess than before and that persistant ache in his lower plastron was still there; a constant companion for the last few days, weeks even. 

He opened his eyes to get rid of that last mental image of Donatello and Raph together, Raph on his knees the way he'd been with Leo the other night. 

Big mistake. Dojos were for training as well as meditation, after all. The 'thock - thock' of wood against wood should have warned him. He'd been aware of others around him and the silence that was all pervading despite their presence should have rang alarm bells. 

The sight of Donatello pinned underneath Mikey, training abandoned for something much more intimate; close enough that Leo could reach out and touch the end of his bandana tail, was still a shock to his system. He stood up quickly, averting his eyes and trying to ignore the pulse in a certain part of his anatomy. "Umm, yeah." 

They didn't notice. 

They didn't notice a lot of things lately. 

There was probably a training lesson in there to be taught, he figured, but right now he settled for getting the hell out of dodge before dodge started humping against the tatami mats. It was a lot more effective teaching a lesson when you yourself weren't doubled over from trying to hide an erection. 

He looked back once as he reached the door, then stepped through and shut it behind him. 

....

Raph wasn't at his punching bag for once but was sitting on his bean bag chair watching television. He didn't look up at Leo joined him but passed over the popcorn without a word. Leo took a handful and munched almost mechanically. It didn't really taste of anything. Raph was always stingy with the toppings, preferring just a little butter to the lashings of marshmallow cream and peanut M&Ms that was Leonardo's favourite. 

Donatello's too, if he remembered correctly. That last time they'd sat here on the couch, watching movies at far too late an hour. God had that only been two weeks ago?

"...in't changing the channel, you hear me, Leo."

"Huh?" 

Raph was looking at him then, a belligerent flash in his eyes, always ready for a fight. Leo flushed. He grabbed another handful of popcorn and threw it into his mouth. 

"I ain't changing the channel." Raph shook the remote in Leo's direction in some sort of challenge. "I've been waiting for it to come on for months now." 

Leo glanced over at the TV, seeing nothing of interest, just a bunch of kids standing in a circle. Raph tended to favour films with more explosion than story, although Leo had to admit that Die Hard was a film they could both get behind. "Waiting for what to come on?"

"IT." Raph tucked the remote away and relaxed a little when it seemed that Leo wasn't going to immediately demand the switching to the news network or some sci fi channel that had popped up in the last week or so. "And not the remake, the old one with Tim Curry and John Boy from the Waltons." 

"Never seen it." Leo shrugged, more than half of his mind still back in the dojo. It was still silent in there. He rubbed his lower plastron. 

"Really?" The argumentative tone and stance vanished and Raph looked almost excited, eager to share the storyline so far about some Pennywise guy who lived in the sewers like they did. Leo let him talk, filtering out the words as white noise as he listened to the absence of fighting noises coming from behind him. A piece of popcorn hitting him right between the eyes brought his attention back to Raph fast. 

Raph looked pissed. 

Leo was considerate enough to feel more than a little abashed and ashamed. 

"The fuck is your issue, Leo." His eyes dropped down to Leo's hand, still pressed against his plastron and flicked back to Leo's face. The sudden understanding in them had Leo scrambling to leave. Raph's hand on his knee stopped him and he dropped back into the seat cushions in a strange sort of despaired relief. Raphael could help him. Raph knew. Raph would take this strangeness building inside Leo and help him cauterise it before it caused any harm to their family.

"Just hang on a minute." Raph produced the remote from places unknown and clicked pause on the TV. "Been waiting too long for this movie to come on." 

Oh. Of course he couldn't expect Raph to jump every time he asked. That strange guilt washed over Leo again and he fumbled for the right words. "Stay. Watch your film. It's alright, I can just... Umm..." What he intended to do never made it from his brain to his tongue however as Raph dropped the remote and reached out to cover Leo's hand on his plastron with his own, adding to the warmth and pressure there. 

"Oh believe me I'll be watching it. but lets go deal with this first, huh?"

"Huh?" 

Raph laughed and stood, offering his hand to Leo. The same one that had been covering his groin not two seconds earlier. "Come on, Fearless Leader. Your room or mine." 

"It's not night-time." The excuse sounded piss poor even to Leo's ears and Raph's grin only widened at the sound of it, taking on a semblance of the expression he'd held as a child when he'd lead Leo on many a forbidden quest in the sewers around their home. 

"Ain't it?" Raph shrugged, gesturing around at the room, the perpetual darkness that they lived in. "I don't see no sun. There's no one around to see us, Leo. Come on. You'll be more interesting company when we have this out of your system."

Leo had never been able to fight that grin as a child; the promise of adventure and battle, something dark and exciting. He still couldn't. "My room." 

...

He managed to hold on until the door was closed but then Raph's hands were sliding around his waist from behind, warm pressure heading with pinpoint accuracy towards his groin. Leo dropped down with an audible groan of relief. 

They didn't linger on foreplay. There was no time, or need for it. Raph's hands were quick to wrap around Leo's erection and he started an almost brutal pace, pressing his nose deep into the junction of Leo's shoulder and neck. Leo's legs turned to jelly and he fumbled for the bed and the small tube of lubrication he had hidden under his pillow with a gasped "wait."

Raph didn't reply. He never did in these scenarios, but the hands did still. His tongue however, did not, and licked a broad stripe up Leo's neck, sending goosebumps travelling in its wake as the chill of the surrounding air cooled it. He took the tube from Leo's hands and popped the cap. The slick feeling of gel against his aching cock was a relief and Leo closed his eyes and let his imagination take over as Donnie brought him to completion. 

Donnie's eyes were flashing dark in the room and he worked Leo like a master, which was only right. Donatello never did anything half hearted. Leo was only vaguely aware of the fact that he was lying down on his bed and well on his way to another orgasm when something changed. The hands stroking him left and the warm, heavy shift of the body on top of him was his only warning before his cock was enveloped in a sheath of warmth. 

"Oh God, Donatello." 

He couldn't stop the upward thrust if he'd wanted to, sending more of his length into that delicious heat. His back arched, and he fumbled as Donnie began to move, settling himself around Leonardo; over him, a protective, fierce embrace, but not enough. Not nearly enough. 

With a feral growl that would have surprised himself if he'd been in his right mind, Leo rolled them both. Now on top, his feet found purchase in the mattress below him and he utilised it with all the skill he possessed. He pushed deeper, harder; long, punching thrusts against the body around him. 

The quiet was broken by Donnie's gasps and bitten off groans. Leo reached between them to wrap his hand around the cock trapped between their bodies. The stimulation inside and out ramped everything up a notch too far and Donatello came with a whisper of Leo's name; the voice so quiet but still wrong. 

And the spell was broken. 

No longer was it Donatello's legs wrapped around him but Raphael's. It was Raph's breath against his neck, Raph's face that betrayed just how wrecked he was after their session; the flush on his cheeks, his eyes large and wet in the dark, a bruise on his neck that Leo could see the impression of teeth marks in already. His cock, still in Leo's grip, now wilting between them as his cum coated Leo's hand. They breathed the same air, barely enough space between their bodies to fit a piece of paper. 

God, how far he'd fallen. 

He made to move back but Raph's legs only tightened around him; an action which made them both wince as it pushed Leo further into Raph. And with returning sense came the all pervading guilt which had been his bedpartner ever since this .... thing... had started. He buried his face into Raphael's neck, almost directly over the forming hickey, and let the tears forming in his eyes fall. 

"S'okay Fearless." Raphael's hands stroked the base of Leo's neck, sending small aftershocks and thrills down Leo's spine. Soothing and comforting in a way he'd never before associated with his most argumentative brother. "It's okay." 

It wasn't okay. Not even close. But ...

For now, it was enough. 

It had to be.


	3. Chapter 3

The family couldn't find out.  
  
It became his mantra, the metronome to which he meditated last thing at night and again first thing in the morning. They couldn't find out. Just ... couldn't find out. It was there during breakfast, when he kept his eyes far from Raph, careful to avoid even the most accidental of touches. It was there during practice, when Leo found it easier to stand apart and teach sword work for a while.  
  
If Donatello and Michelangelo needed more instruction in this area than Raphael then that was just the way of things.  
  
It was especially there when he and Raph came together at night. There when Raph sucked him off, when they fucked, when one of them pressed their teeth lightly to the other's neck, leaving depressions that took their sweet time to fade, and there when Leo stood up afterwards and left the room to shower alone.  
  
He found ways to cope.  
  
During meals he was careful to always have one brother between himself and this sudden focus. If Raphael cared he didn't show it but someone else did. On the third such day, when Leo had squished himself into a space between Donnie and Mikey at the breakfast table, the practice came to a sudden halt.  
  
It was Donatello, of all people, who stood up and fixed Leo with a glare that could rival one of Raphael's on a bad day. "Leo!" Leonardo paused in mid action of sitting down, still holding his plate of pancakes, and stared askance. Donatello pinched what on humans would be the bridge of the nose and sighed. "Leo," he said again. "I need some help tonight at the junk yard."  
  
"If it's a bit of heavy lifting, then Raph is probably your--"  
  
"No!" Donnie sighed again. "No," he repeated in a softer tone. "I need you."  
  
The words broke through Leo's control like nothing else ever had. Leo's eyes were drawn immediately up to catch Donnie's gaze. His mouth opened and closed for a moment or two as he tried to get his frozen vocal cords to say something, anything. "O-okay."  
  
"Okay." Donnie sat down again and smiled over at Mikey. "Good, now that we've got that settled can someone pass the butter?"  
  
Raph disappeared after breakfast and didn't return, not even when practice had started. Leo spent the time staring either at Donatello or at the space in their line up where Raph should have been. Sensei had obviously been informed of Raph's absence as he wasn't concerned. And if he wasn't concerned then Leo didn't need to be either.  
  
Raph was still his brother though and Leo was allowed to worry about him.  
  
As it turned out, Splinter was right. Raphael rocked up again in the afternoon looking happier, well happy for Raph anyway, than Leo had seen him in a while. It even brokered some well meaning brotherly ribbing from Mikey; joking which soon turned into a scuffle, then a scrap, before finally ending its short life as a spar in the dojo.  
  
Leo, meanwhile, sat at the table and worked on clearing his mind and perfecting his latest attempt at Japanese brush art -- a lotus flower halfway to bloom -- while he waited for Donatello to call for him.  
  
It was many hours later when Donatello finally came out of his lab, duffle bag over one shoulder, and shouted over to him. Leo dropped his brush into some water and left his picture to dry. His mind, unfortunately, was no clearer.  
  
...  
  
Donatello gunned the engine of the van and pulled out of the garage with well practiced ease. They made a few turns, not nearly enough to get them to the junk yard,  before Donnie pulled up to the side and cut the engine again. Out in darkness beyond the windscreen, Leo could see the frontage of April's shop.  
  
"Ok Leo." Donnie said. "Talk."  
  
Even though he'd been expecting something like this for a while it still managed to take Leo by surprise and he garbled his way through an "Um..."  
  
It was obviously not a satisfactory answer and Donnie turned a little in the seat, to face him better. "I know something's happened between you and Raph." He held up a hand to forestall Leo's stumbling denials. "I don't want to hear excuses. I don't even want to know what it is. What I need to know is, is it serious? Is it going to impact the team?"  
  
"I...No." Leo managed a shake of the head. "No, it won't impact the team." He wouldn't let it.  
  
"Are you sure?" Donnie looked doubtful. "It seems to be impacting us pretty badly right now. You can't even be in the same room as Raph right now half the time. Do you need to talk about it? What's he done?"  
  
Leo cleared his throat, more to stall for time than any other reason. "What makes you think it was him?"  
  
Donnie snorted. "Well, I seriously doubt it was you. He goes out every day and comes back looking like the cat who got the cream, while you mope around and try not to get caught looking at him."  
  
"I don't -- wait, he goes out _every_ day?"  
  
Donnie nodded. "You haven't noticed? It's pretty much after practice right the way up to patrol most days."  
  
"No, I, I hadn't." Leo's mind began to tick again, cataloguing, noting back over the past week or so. "Where do you think he's going?"  
  
"I don't know." Donnie shrugged, obviously not too bothered as long as Raph came back whole and hearty. "You could ask Mikey, he might have more of an idea.  
  
"Why don't you ask him to stay in?"  
  
Leo laughed, a small, bitter sounding noise even to his own ears. "Just when has he ever listened to me when I've said that?" He jolted as Donatello's hand came down to rest lightly on his knee. The look in Donnie's eyes, lit from the street lamp outside, was full force pity.  
  
"Leo, does Raph even know? Or is this some sort of hidden crush?"  
  
Oh God.  
  
Someone up there was seriously messing with him. If ever there was a fucked up pity party he would be the guest of honour. He laughed, and once he started he found he couldn't stop. Somewhere along the way it became more like crying and he ended up firmly ensconsed in Donnie's arms as Donatello reached over to reassure him with a hug. He clung back and buried his face in Donnie's shoulder, inhaling deeply.  
  
He was seriously fucked up.  
  
Oblivious to the thoughts running through Leo's head, Donatello was running a hand gently in circles over Leo's carapace; reassuring, comforting.  
  
The family can't find out. They can't.  
  
"Why?" Donnie asked suddenly, pulling back to look Leo in the eyes again, and Leo realised with a start that he'd been chanting his mantra aloud. "What's so wrong with it, Leo? It's love. Love is inherently good. Splinter understands. There aren't many more options for us out there."  
  
"Love isn't always good, Donnie. It can be twisted."  
  
"I don't see how."  
  
"Believe me, it can." Leo leaned back and cleared his throat. "Okay, no more of this. I'm alright, honestly." He smiled, almost convincing even himself. "Care to tell me why we're here of all places?"  
  
Donnie smiled. And that was how Leonardo found himself picking up a lover's gift with Donatello for Michelangelo in the dead of night in a second hand thrift store that sat in a dodgy part of town.  
  
...  
  
When they got back it was the kind of late that's just one strike away from being early. The lair was silent and dark, even Michelangelo had given up the wait and gone to bed.  
  
They stood in the den, in the darkness and said goodnight. Shortly after that Leo heard Donnie's bedroom door open and shut quietly. He stood for a while, undecided. Simmering. Unsatisfied.  
  
Lusting.  
  
Raph's offer was good. And the sex it lead to was good too. But...  
  
He'd had Donnie in his arms tonight. Somehow, it didn't seem fair to follow that up with Raphael. Decision made, Leo grabbed a drink of water and delibrately walked past Raph's room without looking at the door. He entered his bedroom feeling drained.  
  
Raph was there.  
  
Asleep.  
  
Stubborn bastard. Leo's mouth quirked up at one side at the sight as he began to doff his gear. Seeing as waking Raph at this time of night would only either lead to arguments or sex - and Leo was in mood for neither right now -- he chose to leave Raph sleeping. He hung his swords on the designated rack by his wall before removing his belt and pads and stacking them carefully away. His bandana, he dropped to the bedside table before he slid his way onto the mattress. It dipped with his weight but the disturbance didn't wake Raphael, who Leo knew could sleep like the dead if he knew he was secure.  
  
After a bit of careful shuffling, Leo lay on his side, finding the position one of optimal comfort while still giving him a good range of mobility with one arm.  
  
The mattresses they had in the lair were usually very old, fairly odourous, and full of old springs that clunked when you lay on them wrong. Leo was a master of stealth and knew his own mattress well but even he couldn't stop the thing from dipping in the middle under the combined weight of two adolescent ninja turtles and soon enough he found that Raph was a lot closer than he had been originally.  
  
He propped himself up on the heel of his hand and allowed his gaze to fall squarely on the brother he'd been avoiding casual contact with for longer than he'd care to imagine.  
  
Leo frowned. It was hard to tell in the darkness but he and his brothers had always had exceptional night vision. Raphael's mask was definitely purple.  
  
The sight made Leo's mouth go dry and his eyes were wide and round in the darkness. "What are you doing, huh?" he asked, neither expecting nor receiving a reply. The crease of Raph's brow eased a little and he sighed, nudging his face against the pillow. He was solidly, stolidly asleep. With a gentle action Leo managed to hook the offending bandana and slide it from Raph's face. Holding it in his hand, he clenched it tightly and brought it to his lips before dropping it to the floor where it was forgotten.  
  
"I had Donnie in my arms tonight," Leo whispered, one hand trailing a feather light path up Raphael's plastron, seeking out the sensitive crease in the centre they'd both come to know so well recently. "He held me, while I cried."  
  
Raph turned his head slightly and groaned a little in his sleep. Leo froze, but when nothing else happened he let his hand continue, sweeping lower over the scarred armour so like his own. "He thought I was crying over you. That I was in love with you." Raph's head had come to rest against Leo's shoulder. "He thought you hurt me. He didn't realise it's the other way around.  
  
"God Raph." Leo let his chin come down to rest against Raph's temple gently. "What am I doing to us?"  
  
A few minutes later he left the room to Raph and bedded down on the sofa.  
  
He didn't sleep


	4. Chapter 4

Leo didn't get the opportunity to bring up the purple bandana with Raph the next morning; not that he was sure he even wanted to, if he was honest with himself. Raphael had not turned up to practice yet again. And once again Splinter was silent on the matter. Leonardo knew that this meant Splinter was disappointed in him. Truth be told he was disappointed in himself. Their safety rested completely on the fact that they looked after each other; that Raph was successfully leaving the lair day after day and Leonardo had not noticed was criminal. 

When Leo finally dragged himself back into his room, after the hardest dojo session since he was a tot he found no sign of the bandana on the floor and figured Raphael had taken it with him when he'd left that morning. 

There was no sense in searching for Raph now. No one could hide topside like him. He'd been coming back safely for ... well who knew how long now. Leo banked on past performance for the same outcome this time and settled down to let his mind wind down in preparation for his conversation with Raphael. 

Unfortunately it turned into an afternoon staring at his ceiling while he tried and failed to calm down. His thoughts circled endlessly around the evening before and his conversation with Donatello. He found that he couldn't really even care that he had cried. He was far too concerned with the knowledge that Donnie -- of all people it had to be him -- had questioned him on his and Raphael's new ... relationship? It wasn't the right word but he had no energy to classify this 'thing' between them.

Donatello knew. 

Leonardo might have been biased from the rose tinted glasses of adoration but even he had to admit that Donatello wasn't always the most observant of people when it came to feelings. His mind was tuned to higher frequencies. He spent so much time pondering the meaning of the universe that he had little time for water cooler gossip. 

Out of the four of them it was Michelangelo and Raphael who could read people. Mikey seemed empathically tuned in to the people he loved, while Raph had an instinctive knowledge of body and facial language that sometimes passed even Leo by on patrols. 

So if Donnie knew, then it was a sure thing that Mikey did too. In fact, Leo thought with a miserable sigh, Mikey probably knew first and told Donnie. 

If Mikey knew then he might as well wave goodbye to rule one. That was pretty much all of them. It was only Sensei left -- 

He shot up suddenly, feeling the rise of bile in the back of his throat. 

Did Sensei know?

No. No, how could he? They'd been so careful. No public displays. There'd only been that one time when they'd gone to bed during the day and Raph had missed his film... and some evil little part of Leo poked at him with the sharpy pointy end of the fact that Raph had actually missed the film entirely as Mikey had released pause while they'd been otherwise occupied. 

Maybe it had been to drown out the noise they made. 

Maybe Mikey, Donnie and Sensei had been out there, watching the film, listening to them going at it in the bedroom during the quiet scenes. Maybe Casey and April had been out there too, come to think of it. 

He was going to be sick. 

...

It was late afternoon pushing early evening when Leonardo felt able to leave his room. The weight of imaginary accusing stares sat across his shoulders as he opened the fridge to take out the carton of orange juice. 

When Mikey came in and sat out at the kitchen table a few minutes later, innocent though it most probably was, to Leo it felt like judge and jury time. 

"Got enough there for me?"

"Hmm? Oh.." the juice, "Yeah sure." He poured another glass and slid it across the table before throwing the now empty carton into the trash bin. 

"Thanks, Bro." Mikey took a long swig. "Haven't seen you round much today. You okay?"

Leo smiled although it was not his best effort. "Yeah, just -- had some things on my mind." 

"Yeah, I get it." Mikey drained the rest of his glass in one long gulp. "Anything I can help with?"

"No offence, Mikey, but I've got enough brothers helping me out at the moment." 

And there was the confirmation; the flush on Mikey's cheeks as he made the connections and trod the dirty trail to sex city. "Dude, seriously? Not like that. Besides, I figure you've got enough help on that front anyhow, right?"

Leo sat down and leaned his elbows on the table, lacking even the energy to deny. "Right." 

"So?"

"What?"

Mikey made a sweeping gesture with one hand in Leo's general direction. "How's it going?"

Leo's eyes widened in horror. "You want a play by play?"

"Oh hell no," Mikey sputtered. "You're my brother, Dude. I do _not_ want any details, don't worry. I just..." He sighed and worried with his hands, a gesture Leo had seen many times before but with Donatello's hands, not Mikey's. "You don't seem very honeymoony." 

"Honeymoony?"

"You know, that bit at the start when you can't keep your hands to yourself and all you want is to be horizontal somewhere. You blow off practice because you're 'sick'," he air quoted. "And make sure you get a thorough check up by those with the password to webMD. Although, yeah, it doesn't work as well for you as Raph's not the doctor in the family and--"

Leo held up a hand to stop him. "I get the idea, Mike, thanks."

"So." Mikey nudged him a little with a finger. "Honeymoony?"

"I don't know, Mike." The sigh that came from him felt like it had been held inside for months. "I just... I don't feel it. I guess not everyone shows it like they do in the movies." 

"Maybe not, but even I know when you're with someone, you kind of need to be _with_ them." 

He did not need this right now. "Meaning what, Mikey." 

"Meaning what's going on, Leo? You slept on the sofa last night rather than in your own room. You and Raph don't sit together, you don't eat together, you don't even spar together anymore. Meaning, it's three am, Leo, do you know where your children are?"

Leo choked. His first response, fortunately one that was bitten back, was 'I am not my brother's keeper.' but honestly, they were. In a world that was out to get you, they _had_ to have each other's backs and they always had, up until now. Somehow he didn't think Mikey would be too impressed with that answer. Instead he murmured, "Sensei isn't worried." 

"Isn't he?" Mikey pushed his chair back and gave his glass a quick wash under the faucet before stacking it to drain. "Maybe you need to look around you a bit more, Leo. Think on that for a while yeah?"

And then he was gone. 

...

Raph came back a couple of hours later while they were all in the middle of watching one of Sensei's stories. He wandered past the sofa on his way to the kitchen, tapping Mikey on the back of the head and earning a "Hey." for his troubles. Leo caught a strange mix of paint fumes and perfume in his wake and frowned. 

Despite all the thinking he'd done that day, he still wasn't ready to talk. Fortunately someone else beat him to the punch. Before Leonardo could even put down his drink, Sensei had eased himself from the couch and made his way into the kitchen. Leo followed his path with his eyes until he disappeared into the room. A small part of him felt relief; Sensei could deal with this off behaviour from Raph. He'd ground and punish him. Raph would growl and piss about but ultimately he'd listen to Sensei, whereas if Leo tried to talk to him about it he was more likely to stay out even longer just to spite him. 

Mikey nudged him. 

Leo raised an eyebrow ridge at him, _what?_

Mikey rolled his eyes. _Go see what's going on, moron._

Leo sighed and gave Mikey one last long stare, _Leave my drink alone._ before getting up off the sofa. 

He could hear voices as he got closer to the door. Sensei's quiet voice mixed with Raph's, uncharacteristically soft. He raised a fist to knock but Splinter's voice rang out clear. "Come in my son." Figured, Leo thought. Sensei always did know where they were. 

It was probably another nail in the coffin of rule number one. 

"Hey." He forced a smile, "just wanted to let you know that _Days of Our Lives_ is back on, Sensei." 

"Thank you, Leonardo." Sensei gave Raph a pat on the shoulder. "Think on my words, Raphael." Raph nodded but didn't look up from where he sat at the kitchen table. "I'll leave you two to talk." The sound of his stick against the floor was a death march in Leo's mind as his father headed for the door. "If that's what you are calling it these days." 

Leonardo took a step to the side to allow Sensei to leave. And then it was just the two of them. Raph didn't seem to know what to do with himself and busied himself with scrubbing his hands in the sink. Leo could still see traces of paint on his hands, spots of it rising up his arms and across his plastron. All of it was white.

"So." Leo had a whole lecture planned. He was going to get answers, where are you going? Why? Who are you with? Why does Sensei seem okay with this? All of it was battling right on the tip of his tongue. 

"I want to end this." 

Leonardo's thoughts left him. 

And so did Raphael.


	5. Chapter 5

So it was over. 

Leo figured he should be relieved. The whole time he and Raph had had this _thing_ going he'd felt ashamed... guilty... wrong. From the very get go he'd tried to talk himself out of it, never really sure why he'd gone along with it. 

And yet, now that it was over, things weren't back to normal. 

Leo still felt out of sorts, like there was something wrong about the situation. Perhaps it was because Raphael had been the one to end it and not himself. Leo had never really figured Raph's reasons into this, he realised. He'd been too deep in self pity over Donatello to really, honestly, wonder why Raphael had suggested their trysts. 

To wonder whose memory Raph was trying to drown out with him.

Two weeks after their talk in the kitchen and Raph was still avoiding him; more so now than before. He was still going out in the early hours and coming home in the afternoon paint-flecked and smiling. Leo had seen him training with Splinter in the afternoons, while the rest of them had free time to do whatever they wanted so he knew that wherever Raph was going he was going with Sensei's blessing. 

Still, it was wrong that he, as leader of their team, did not know where Raph was disappearing to. 

It was with that in mind that he found himself standing in the dojo doorway one afternoon watching Raph and Splinter going through kata together. He caught Sensei's eye and bowed respectfully. Splinter dipped his head and brought the training to a close. 

"Yes, Leonardo?"

"With respect Father, I would like to join." 

He didn't miss the quick glance Raph gave him, before turning back to Splinter. It was the most eye contact they'd had in weeks. 

"Indeed. I would be a poor teacher if I were to deny my sons a chance to learn." 

Leo slipped his sword sheath from his back and placed the weapons on their designated rack before jogging forward to take his place opposite Raph. A little bit of hand to hand combat would sort things out. Raph was always easy to rile up in a fight and Leo would put an end to this silent treatment he had been getting. They'd argue, clear the air, and things would be fully back to normal again. 

"Hajime." 

Leo fell into a combat ready pose, waiting for Raph to break and make the first move as he always did. 

But Raph merely bowed, before turning and leaving the room. 

Flabbergasted, Leo turned to his father. Splinter was looking at him with a strange gleam in his eyes. "What?" he managed as Splinter's hand came down gently on his shoulder.

"The four of you are a gift to each other. Take this lesson to heart, my son. For all of our sakes." 

...

It didn't take the others long to realise something was different. Living as they did, in each others pockets, Leo wasn't quite sure why he'd ever thought they could keep something so huge a secret. And now that it was over, the news seemed to spread like wildfire. 

The next morning Raph was at the breakfast table just long enough to grab a piece of toast before he was gone. As soon as the doors closed behind him, Mikey was leveling a stare at Leo that was usually reserved for the Purple Dragons. 

"What gives?"

Leo busied himself with stirring his coffee; yet another sleepless night meant he needed it. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, Dude, I told you to be a little more honeymoony. This isn't even remotely honeymoony." 

Leo sighed and looked up to find them all staring at him. Rule one was officially out of the window; might as well give it a good send off. "It's over." 

Mikey snorted at that. "Yeah, no kidding," he gestured at the doorway. "I kind of figured. What I don't get is why."

"That makes two of us." Leo murmured before he could stop himself. It had been an interesting _relationship_ but he coudn't deny he missed it. He missed the warmth and feel of another body next to his more than he'd ever thought he could. He'd always prided himself on being above carnal desire. It was fitting somehow that it had been Raph to show him how wrong he'd been. 

He'd lost Donatello through not being brave enough to speak up. And now he'd lost Raphael too. 

Donatello was looking at him thoughtfully. Ashamed, Leo couldn't even look him in the eyes. He was exhausted mentally and physically. Sleep had been hard to come by lately and when he did succumb, strange dreams circled in his head. 

Memories of that final night in his bed with Raph. Raph in Donnie's mask. Raph asleep, the trust there so deep that he didn't even wake when Leo touched him. 

Sometimes it was Donatello instead, wearing Raph's trademark red, and his grin would be wicked as he knelt at Leo's feet to take Leo into his mouth. 

He'd meditated to try to make sense of it all, but the meanings danced just out of reach and he lacked the energy to stretch himself further. He stared instead in misery down into his cup of coffee and watched the bubbles on the surface pop. He was vaguely aware of Donnie standing and whispering something to Mikey and then the scrape of chair legs on the floor. 

"Do you love me?"

"Huh?" Leo's head shot up, eyes wide and stunned, to find Mikey gone and Donatello a little too close for comfort. 

Donnie's face was set in a grim line. "Do you love me? More than brotherly." 

"I--" 

"The truth, Leo." 

Leo snorted. The truth hadn't been something he'd dealt in for a while. Then Donnie was leaning in closer, his gaze fixed firmly to Leo's eyes. There was a warm, wet pressure against his lips, the flick of a tongue there. Leo opened his mouth obediently, allowing Donatello entry. It got warmer, wetter, better; but it lacked something, a fire, a passion he knew he'd felt before. 

Too soon Donnie was pulling back, his eyes filled with sudden understanding. Leo lifted a hand to his lips, embarrassed by how easily he'd allowed himself to be read. 

"You've never done that with Raph, have you?" Leo shook his head, words a little too difficult a concept to grasp at that particular second. "You should, Leo. One little kiss can hold all the answers to the universe if you know how to find them." 

"I doubt that very much." 

Donnie smiled, "Then answer me this now, Leo. Do you love me?"

Leo's eyes grew wide in sudden comprehension. Donatello patted him on the shoulder as he stood up. "Go find Raph, Leo. Go and figure some things out."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who's taken the time to comment on this story. For those who are wondering where Raph's been disappearing off to, hopefully this chapter will shed some light on the matter. :)

Leo spent the afternoon in seclusion, meditating, his heart and mind lighter than they had been in a long time. He mused on Donatello and the feelings he had had both prior and post to the kiss. 

It hadn't been like a magic switch; he still had feelings for Donnie and likely would for a long time. But even he could tell that there was a distinct difference in the strength and intentions of his feelings when with Donatello to when he was with Raphael.

With Donatello it was soft, gentle. He thought back to his first conversation with Raph, right at the very start of everything. It was easy, a babbling brook on a summer day; calm, but ultimately shallow. 

With Raphael it was different. It was dark and deep, a tempest from which Leo had lived in fear of being swept away. Because _that_ would have been easy. 

Their feelings had always been yin and yang. Raph pushed when Leo pulled, he broadcast where Leo kept things close to his chest, and yet in this, Leo realised, he had no idea how Raph felt. 

It would be very easy to let himself fall for Raph, he could admit that. Their strange relationship of late had given him some valuable insights into his most private of brothers. But was there anything to fall for? That he didn't know. 

Talking to Raph was definitely the next thing on his agenda; once Leo could figure out where he was of course. And Raph wasn't making that easy for him at all. 

He disappeared in the early hours and slipped back into the lair at differing times, waiting only long enough to wash himself off a little before disappearing into the dojo with Sensei. Leo didn't attempt to catch him there anymore, both out of deference to his father and the obvious teaching session going on, but also because Raph had let his feelings be known in no uncertain terms the last time Leo had tried it. 

Leo tried calling him while he was out, but Raph didn't answer. Michelangelo reported however that Raph at least did phone the lair a few minutes later to make sure that there was nothing wrong. In a last ditch attempt at making contact Leo even snagged Mikey's phone for himself but Raph remained silent. 

Having exhausted all other avenues Leo figured he only had one left. 

He approached his father. 

...

It wasn't ideal. He managed to catch Splinter during a commercial break in one of his daytime soap operas. Limited time and a less than perfect location had him coming right to the point. He passed his father a freshly brewed cup of tea and blurted out, "where's Raph going all the time?"

As he'd anticipated, Splinter countered with a question of his own. "Why do you care so much?"

"He's my brother, I want to know that he is alright." 

Sensai sipped his tea, his eyes firmly on Leo's face as it began to flush slightly under the scrutiny. "He is alright." 

Leo huffed in frustration. "Forgive me father but I don't think so." 

"And why would that be?"

The overwhelming urge to just purge all of the guilt he'd felt over the past few weeks hit him again and for once he gave in to it. He poured out the whole sordid thing: Raph's offer, his own acceptance, the way it had made him feel, his feelings for Donnie and how much it hurt, how Raph had finished it and now refused to even be in the same room as him. His father remained sitting, holding his cup, as Leo rambled on. He didn't seem surprised. 

"I think he hates me," Leo finished miserably. 

Splinter's hand reached out to caress his cheek. "You are his brother, he could never hate you." 

"This is Raph we're talking about right?" Leo said with a half smile.

"Very much so." Splinter replied. "Your brother is capable of many, very powerful emotions, but hatred for his own family is not one of them." 

Leo had to concede that point. Raph was nothing if not passionate but there was no malice in his heart for his family. 

"So you would talk to him." Splinter said. "And what would you say?"

"I --" Leo paused. What was there to say? The whole thing as it was had finished now. 

"Do you want him back as a brother? As a friend? A lover?"

"Father!" Leo flushed and cast an eye around for errant family. Splinter merely chuckled. 

"I am not a prude, Leonardo. And I have not been against such relationships were they to develop within your unit." 

"Donnie and Mikey." 

"Indeed. Both of them approached me beforehand and we talked. I could do nothing but give them my blessing." 

"How did you know..." Leo fumbled for the words. Splinter took pity on him. 

"They were in love, it was not hard to see. So?" He pushed his previous question. 

"How would I have him back?" Leo pondered for a while, giving the question the deep thought it deserved. He met his father's eyes dead on for what felt like the first time in an eon. "Any way he would take me."

Splinter smiled. 

...

The building was nothing out of the ordinary. Mid twentieth century build - in the concrete golden age - it showed a lot of wear now, with patchy, cracked rendering higher up and layer upon layer of graffiti at ground level. The worn sign at the front proclaimed that once upon a time the place had been a dance studio, although it was doubtful that it was still in business now. 

On the third floor fire escape, Leo crouched, his body comfortably hidden beneath an oversized trench coat. His roving eyes picked up the signs of another body loitering here; scratch marks at the windows, which would tally up perfectly with a certain set of sai. 

Whatever Raph's business here was, Sensei hadn't told him, but this was where he entered. And therefore, it was where Leo entered. 

Splinter had given him the address with one caveat. Look but do not disturb. Witness and learn then leave and think on what you have seen. Leo was more than ready for some answers and agreed. He shed his coat once inside and made his way down a freshly painted corridor banked on either side by gleaming white doors. 

From ahead he could hear the muffled pulse of a song, soft and slow - a golden oldie. Trusting in his brother's penchant for music, he followed the sound, tracking it to an open doorway and a mezzanine overlooking a large room. A dance room. A ballroom. 

In the corner of the room was Raphael, painting a skirting board. 

Of all things he'd expected to see, Raph decorating a room had not been one of them. Leo leaned out a little to see better but the sound of approaching feet made him flinch and he darted back to the relative safety of the corner as a person, a woman, came into view carrying a teatray with a teaservice that Splinter would have envied and a selection of biscuits. 

Raph heard her too and stopped what he was doing to turn and smile at her. A smile so filled with fondness that it practically poured from him in waves. 

"Yo, at your three."

Leo saw the woman turn at his words and an answering smile crossed her face. "You've nearly finished?" 

"Yep, I can move on to replacing the barre tomorrow I think." He accepted the teacup and plate of biscuits and took a sip. "Then it's just a floor wax and the place is done." 

"I can't thank you enough..." 

"Forget it." Raph waved off the compliment. "Your cookies are more than enough." 

In the background the song petered to a close. There was a second or two of comfortable silence before the opening swell of another number, another golden oldie. The woman reacted by holding out her hand. Leo frowned, unsure of what she wanted. But it was obvious to Raph as he hefted himself to his feet with a chuckle and reached out to take her hand. 

They danced. 

Something slow. A waltz? Leo wasn't sure but it was apparent that Raph had done this more than a few times before by how well he took to the role. Their bodies weren't really made for dancing, but then again they weren't made for ninjitsu either and somehow they all made it work. Raph's moves were by no means professional but he had a certain flair. He folded the woman into his embrace as though he could protect her from the world. And she knew it. 

Leo left before the song was over.


	7. Chapter 7

The whole family was waiting for him when he got home... minus Raphael of course. Leo grabbed a slice of pizza from the table and squished himself on the end of the sofa to a 'hey' from Mikey. Splinter looked at him for a while, taking in Leo's small smile, and nodded. 

"I take it you saw what you needed?"

"I did, thank you, Sensei." 

Mikey swiped another slice of pizza. "So, what's the plan?"

"We talk."

"Good luck with that one, Dude. Raph's been pretty damn good at giving you the silent treatment lately." 

Leo's smile only increased as he took a bite of his pizza. "Oh believe me, we'll have a _lot_ to talk about when he gets in." 

... 

Raph returned home earlier than usual and in one hell of a mood. Leo had to admit that the sounds of an angry Raphael stomping about the lair were something he'd sorely missed over the last few weeks. 

The door to his room was wrenched open and Raph full on growled when he saw Leo sitting on his bed, waiting. "Lose something?" Leo asked blithely. 

"You took my coat, you bastard. You have any idea how hard it is getting back from the village at rush hour without being seen?" 

"Correction, I took _a_ coat. There was no one around to claim ownership to the thing. And you could use the practice. You've been getting rusty lately." 

"You knew damn well it was mine." 

"I did.... she seems nice." The anger seemed to drain from Raph in a rush and he stood there, uncertainty in every movement. It was a heady feeling, knocking Raphael off guard. Leo pressed his advantage. "I didn't know you could dance." 

"I can't." Raph shrugged and amended, "I don't. It's just swayin'." Something horrible seemed to occur to him and he paled. "Don't you dare tell Mikey." 

Leo patted the bed next to him in an obvious invitation. Raph instead grabbed a chair and spun it round to sit facing the back, one leg splayed either side. Leo hadn't missed the fact that Raph had kept himself close to the door. "It's a nice thing you're doing for her, Raph." 

Leo could practically see Raphael's eye ticking from where he sat. "You don't know hell about what I'm doing." 

"Do you want to tell me?"

Raph shrugged, clearly uncomfortable. Honestly Leo wasn't sure how he was still in the room. "Not really but it's not like you're going to forget about her or anything. Her name's Mrs. Morrison. She helped me out a while back, during the invasion, and I help her out now and then in return. She's blind." 

Ah, that explained a few things. 

"She still knows what we are." 

"Well, yeah. Her sights gone but she can sure as hell feel I've only got three fingers and a big ass shell on my back, Leo." He was bristling again, obviously gearing up for an argument. "What? No 'what were you thinking, Raph' or 'Why would you betray the safety of the family for an old woman, Raph?'."

"Sensei wasn't worried." 

Raph settled back down again when the fight he was expecting, didn't materialise. "Nah, he's known about her for a while now. I've been helpin' her out since she decided to sell up. She's moving upstate to be with her grandkids more. Figured she'd get more for the place if it looked half decent." 

"You figured or Sensei figured?"

"Sensei did." 

Wily old rat. "And of course you were the only one who could help her." 

"Well yeah, she ain't got no one close here, Leo. I'm not gonna let her climb ladders when she can't see squat." 

"And that's only right. So." Raph frowned at him in suspicion. "Now that we're talking, you want to tell me why we're actually over?" Raph's mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he broke eye contact and looked away. "It's ok, how about I do it and you can tell me if I'm right or wrong. First reason; you don't like me." Raph remained sullenly quiet. "That's not true, we both know you love me." Raph flushed a little but didn't deny it. "You didn't like what we were doing together... no, that wouldn't make sense, you were the one to start it after all." 

"You weren't complaining at the time, asshole." 

"No, I wasn't, was I. But I wasn't happy about it either. Did you stop because of that?"

"Hell, Leo. You were miserable as fuck. What do you want me to do? I went out of my way to be as quiet as possible. I didn't speak, I didn't touch you if I could help it. I even wore Donnie's bandana and what did you do? You slept on the fucking couch. You tell me, asshole, where's the love in that?"

"It was never supposed to be about love, Raph." 

"Maybe for you it wasn't." 

Leo smiled a little sadly. "Yes, I figured it was something like that. I wasn't really sure until Donnie's mask, but you went above and beyond that night, Raph. You were willing to pretend to be someone else, someone who's completely opposite to you, in order to be with me. What does that say to you?"

Raph bit his lip and seethed. 

"It says to me," Leo continued, "that you have a huge heart and an even larger inferiority complex." 

"Say that to my face, bastard." 

"I have done. There's only four of us in the world, Raph. We're all equal here, we have to be." 

Raph laughed a little, "Some of us are just more equal than others right?"

"You thought I wouldn't want to be with you. But you never _let_ me be with you. The whole time you were pretending to be Donatello for me." 

"It's what you wanted, right?" 

"I thought it was." 

"And what now? Everything's just magically ok between us from now on? Some true love's kiss baloney or something? Let me tell you Leo, we're still gonna fight, I'm still going to piss you off. I'm _not_ like Donnie, not even a little bit." He jumped up from the chair and started to pace. Leo watched him move, stalking from one end of the room to the other. 

"No kiss." Leo shook his head. "I don't need one. And I know you aren't like Donnie. I don't expect you to be." 

"You don't know shit about me." 

"Then let me learn." He reached out and grabbed Raph's hand, pulling his startled brother down onto the bed next to him. "I know you like made for tv movies and the blandest popcorn you can get on the market. I know you talk more with your fists than your mouth and that you can diagnose an engine fault at fifty paces with your eyes closed. I know you care about me. Love me even. Everything else I'd like to find out." 

Raph blew out a shaky breath. 

"Mikey rented me a copy of IT, the old version with the Curry guy in it. I have some popcorn in the microwave just waiting to go." He raised an eyebrow ridge. "What do you say?"

"What? Start over?"

"Exactly." 

"You don't like scary movies." Raph countered, floundering a little. 

Leo scoffed. "After the things we go through on a daily basis? I think I can handle an eighties B movie, thanks."

Raph scrambled off the bed and gave Leo's mask tails a tug in retaliation. "Screw you, Fearless," he muttered, but his smile belied his words. 

They could handle anything.


End file.
